support in the community | ruth carmel kirby

Hi!

Inspired by tonights #lbloggers chat on twitter, I thought I'd write a lil post today about support in our community. This is something I've often thought about, wondered at and generally been in awe of! So let's get started!:)

If you are unaware of what the blogging community actually is, here is a near enough textbook definition.

It's a group of people, male or female, black or white, gay, straight, trans, tall, short, slender, tubby, happy, sad, hispanic, punk rockers, and a whole array of other things that differenciate us from one another, who all share a common love and interest in writing. The support is an added bonus of this group of people. I think that, since we are all different in ways, we tend to be more accepting to one another. And we're always there in a crisis for each other. 

Here's a few examples. A few months back, I was on twitter, reading through my feed, and I noticed one girl had been retweeted by my friends. I don't remember who it was, but her boyfriend had been particularly violent towards her and she'd just been to the police about it. This is a pretty extreme scenario in which the support from our community has been overwhelming. There were people offering support, advice, and a whole armful of lovely, supportive people offering her kind gentle words of encouragement, letting her know she wasn't alone in this, and wasn't going to have to face it alone either. 

Now if that hasn't already proved what a powerful group we are, I don't know what will. A few less extreme examples, exam period rolled around, and everyone was tweeting, messaging, and commenting words of support about it. Even those who have been on a hiatus from blogging for their exam period aren't exempt from the support thrown around by our community. We really are a loving bunch :)

There are however, as mentioned in the chat, ways in which the support can go. There is a theory devised by me and my mum during the time at which I was being bullied. I call it the pile theory. Now, you have a pile of people. At the top are the strong, often talented, kind people. At the bottom are the rude, often not very talented weak people. Now, the weak people want to get to the top of the pile, but, excuse my french, can't be arsed improving their skills to rise to the top of the pile and join those at the top. So, instead they tear everyone else down even lower than them, till eventually, although they haven't gained any altitude they are technically at the top. 

This involves negative comments, abusive behaviour, and generally just being a not very pleasant human being. 

What these people haven't worked out, is that this behaviour in the long run won't make them feel much better. What have they got by the end of it? They haven't gained any, they haven't risen. They've just put other people down. Where is the point in that?

Applying this theory to the blogging world, negative comments are basically useless. They won't do anything but make two, or even possibly more people who possess the remarkable quality of empathy, unhappy. It's not good for you or the person on the recieving end of it. Guess what trolls, it's what grandma has been telling you all along! "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

Generally though, the community is supportive and lovely! You can find this in the form of nicely established blogging friends, or sometimes even complete strangers! We need more of these wonderful, positive people in the world. As for the people who still feel like they're at the bottom of this pile, and yet they aren't doing anything wrong., you are dissillusioned! The people at the top of the pile are the people who are kind, with strong heads and good hearts. If you keep your heart in the right place, and let your head help guide it, you're already at the top!

Thank you for all the wonderful support! I, and many others appreciate the community, and every piece of joy it brings us so much!<3 I'm glad to call myself a blogger :)

Thank you for reading!

ruth carmel kirby x

the importance of body positivity | ruth carmel kirby

Hi<3

We've all had moments of insecurity. When we catch ourselves looking in the mirror and notice a part of ourself isn't looking it's "best", or the classic "does my bum look big in this dress?"
It happens to everyone. With me, it just so happens to be my weight.

I'm lumpy and bumpy. I curve in "all the wrong places" (thanks Megan Trainor). My boobs are pitiful and my legs wobble badly when I run. Recently, I went to take a shower when I was in a particularly stressed mood. Stress breaks me out too, so I look greasy and obviously, as it does before anyone gets in the shower, my hair was messy and wild looking.
Looking in the mirror made me feel physically sick. I was disgusted by myself, mainly by my weight. I'm usually a very positive, happy person so this was a big thing for me. I wasted at least half an hour crying because of this.
It's had a big impact on the way I view my life. I woke up the next morning, with a sort of "did that actually happen oh my god".
I wasted a good half hour feeling sad about something. A half hour I could have spent writing, singing, dancing, running, listening to music, on the phone to a friend, doing revision.
And I spent it crying over something that has been imprinted into my brain by my peers, the media and in some cases, my subconscious. The little voice in the back of my head whispering "you know you're not good enough for this don't you?" "that dress makes you look fat". "i bet everyones staring at your bum wobbling right now".

Don't make the same mistake I did. Next time you're looking in the mirror, and whispering horrible remarks about your body, or really any part of you, or even just thinking them, tell yourself to stop. Move away from the mirror, or stare in the mirror at parts of you that you love. Stare at the beautiful ways your eyes fade into different shades of the same colour, or the sculpted nature of your face. Stare until you remember that you are beautiful, and that somebody loves you. Somebody does. Even if it isn't anyone in your life right now, then it's me<3
Similarly, don't let the media/your peers/your teachers/all of the above preasure you into losing or gaining weight. Anorexia, obesity, bullimia and various other disorders of that kind will be the ruin of your life and the ruin of your happiness, but sadly many of these are encouraged by certain groups. There's a lot of easier said that done surrounding this topic, but unfortunately, you just have to ignore it. People can be beautiful without you having to feel preasured because you look different. Everyone has a different story, and as long as you are healthy, happy and preferably not hungry, then you're doing okay :)

I'd like to reiterate though, calling yourself names is a form of self harm. It's not very well recognised, but it harms the mental image you have of yourself. If someone you know, or even yourself is doing this, please attempt to stop it. If it's someone else, maybe a gentle chat is in order, and if it's you, a pamper night or doing something to make you feel beautiful may be in order.

Below, I'm going to leave a list of ten things that make me feel beautiful, so you can attempt some of them :)

So, to sum up this post, love yourself, love your body, and don't let you or others be mean to you<3

1~ Painting my nails a bright colour. it immediately brightens my mood up too!
2~ Putting on a fun, peeling off mask. It's the funniest thing when half of it is hanging off your face, and the feeling of your skin afterwards makes it all better!
3~ Disney films. Mulan, Tangled, Beauty and the Beast, Enchanted, The Lion King, Alladin, Disney literally never fails to put me in a good mood!
4~ Motivational music! At the moment, I'm loving New Perspective by P!atd, We Shalt Not Overcome by Frank Turner, Awake My Soul by Mumford and Sons and anything by Nicki Minaj!
5~ Baking. Chocolate chip cupcakes are enough to put anyone in a better mood, and make them feel beautiful!
6~ A night out! Sometimes you're just bored of being cooped up in the house, and you need to get out before you go stir crazy!
7~ Belting out Ellie Goulding is fun, try singing a song that compliments your voice. If you hate the sound of your singing, mouth along to it, whatever suits you!
8~ Read a cute book! My personal favourites are Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, Cannibals by Cynthia D. Grant and Kelp by Linda Aronson!
9~ Posting a selfie. The comments on it are uplifting, and make me feel beautiful, even if it's not a photo I took that day!
10~ a lush bath, or a bubble bath, or even a lush bubble bath can be the most relaxing, amazing experience and it makes me sad to know that some people don't live near enough to lush to have that experience regularly!


Thank you for reading!

Ruth Carmel Kirby x

lil blog | ruth carmel kirby

Hello!

It feels a bit odd to be back here, after all this time.
I deleted all my old blog posts because they were embarrassing beyond words and I now have people from my school reading this so I want to keep the embarrassment to a minimum :)

You can usually find me on my YouTube channel, but sometimes I want to say things to the world, that I can't quite fathom into words that could come out of my mouth, and I know that if I tried, I'd probably just end up ranting :)

So this is a new space for me to share my musings about life and various other things<3

I won't have a schedule because I won't promise anything I know I can't keep (unlike some politicians) ;)

But yeah, I hope you enjoy this lil blog!<3

Ruth Carmel Kirby x